3. Get them saying, “YES” at the outset

Welcome back to this short series on How to Win Friends + Influence People by Dale Carnegie. So far, we’ve gone over the following big ideas from the book:

• 1. Become genuinely interested in other people,
• 2. Practice the art of listening,

Today, we’ll take a look at a simple strategy you can start using right away to make yourself more persuasive and influential.

Get them saying, Yes at the outset.

“When a person says No and really means it, he or she is doing far more than saying a word of two letters. The entire organism—glandular, nervous, muscular— gathers itself together into a condition of rejection. The whole neuromuscular system, in short, sets itself on guard against acceptance. When, to the contrary, a person says Yes, none of the withdrawal activities takes place. The organism is in a forward—moving, accepting, open attitude. Hence the more “Yeses” we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal. It is a very simple technique—this “yes” response. And yet, how much it is neglected! …. Get a student to say “No” at the beginning, or a customer, child, husband, or wife, and it takes the wisdom and the patience of angels to transform that bristling negative into an affirmative.” — Dale Carnegie, from How to Win Friends + Influence People

When you’re trying to convince someone to do something, it’s important to get them to say “yes” early on.

This sets the conversation off in the right direction and makes it more likely that they’ll agree to your request in the end.

It’s like getting a billiard ball rolling in one direction—once it’s moving, it takes more force to stop it than it did to get it started…

The same is true for people’s minds.

Once they’ve said “yes” to something, they’re more likely to say “yes” to other things.

This is because when someone says “no,” it’s not just a word. It’s a whole body language. Their muscles tense up, their heart rate increases, and their brain gets ready to defend itself.

This is a natural reaction to rejection, and it’s hard to overcome.

But when someone says “yes,” their body language opens up. They relax, their heart rate slows down, and their brain gets ready to accept.

This is a much more receptive state of mind, and it’s much easier to get them to agree to your request.

So how do you get people to say “yes” early on?

Here are a few tips…

Actionable insights

Ask questions you already know they’ll say “yes” to. Help move people in an affirmative direction by getting them to respond with several, simple, “yeses” right from the beginning of any persuasive presentation, lecture, or selling situation.

Doing this will prime them to become more receptive to your big idea, closing question, or call to action.

For example, let’s pretend you’re a salesperson selling a watch to a customer:

• YOU: So, you said you were looking for a silver watch right?
• CUSTOMER: Yes.
• YOU: With a blue dial?
• CUSTOMER: Yes!
• YOU: I believe we have several styles in stock, would it be okay with you if took a moment to check how many we have in the store?
• CUSTOMER: Yes of course.
• YOU: Before I check, I just want to confirm: your budget was $400 or less, correct?
• CUSTOMER: Yes, that’s correct.

☝️ Get a few more natural Yes-responses and you’ll close the sale.

See you in the next lesson,
—Dean

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