11. Becoming The Most Interesting Person in the Room

How to Win Friends + Influence People 11. Becoming The Most Interesting Person in the Room

🎧 PRESS PLAY TO START THIS LESSON

“Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.” — Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends + Influence People

Do you know what most salespeople do when they try to sell something?

They talk, talk, talk—WAY too much.

The customer gets bored because they don’t give a damn about half the stuff the salesperson is saying.

On top of that, it sets off a trigger in the back of their mind that gets them thinking:

“He or she cares more about getting the sale than he does about meeting my needs.”

Once we’ve done that, it’s game over…

No customer. No moolah.

On the other hand, let’s pretend to take on the role of salesperson for a sec…

Now, let’s think about this: if customers usually leave when we do too much of the talking, then wouldn’t it make more sense to do the listening BEFORE the talking?

This way, we can find out what the customer actually NEEDS.

And once we find out what they’re looking for, what they want, or what they need — that’s when we start doing most of the talking!

So, what do we say when we start talking?

We think about what we’ve learned while we were LISTENING and asking great questions… Then we determine if or how we can help them with what we’ve got to offer.

Listening attentively shows that we care.

Asking questions helps us understand.

And both of the above help us learn about the other person’s values, needs, pains, wants, and desires.

Pretty cool, right?

That’s not all either…

Listening and asking questions isn’t just for salespeople trying to sell hard goods or services; it’s for all of us!

Besides, we’re all salespeople in some way, shape, or form anyway.

Think about it…

Imagine you and your friends are trying to decide on a place to eat…

You really want to go to P.F. Chang’s, but no one else wants to go.

You’ve got some persuading to do if you really want to go, don’t you?

What do you do?

First, you start by ASKING each of your three friends what they’re craving. As each of them shares what they want, you LISTEN attentively. Now you know what everyone’s looking for. Which means you can use that info to persuade them to go to PF Chang’s.

Next, you remember that your friend Tanner loves green beans, so you remind him about the delicious crispy green beans they serve at PF Chang’s.

Then, you tell your vegan friend Carla about all the veg-based options she can choose from at the restaurant.

And finally, you work on winning over your gym buddy Habib, by telling him about all the protein he can shovel down his throat when you all get to PF.

If you approach it with elegance, you and your friends will be sitting in front of plates full of fried rice and crispy honey chicken in no time.

That’s what “selling” is.

Easy, right?

Actionable insights

Let others do most of the talking. When we’re introducing ourselves (or our ideas) to someone, let’s do 20% of the talking and 80% of the listening. And let’s also be sure to ask more questions while we’re at it.