Welcome back to Rise + Thrive, a multi-part series about how to wake up early and build strong morning rituals for daily success. View every installment here.
My recent article about my morning ritual struck a chord with many of you. Having said that, it’s hard to ignore the masculine nature of my morning routine. So, today I’m bringing in my wife Amna, to share a more feminine perspective on morning rituals.
If you don’t get as excited as I do about punishing yourself with an hour of weight-training every morning, and are looking for a softer, more flexible—yet equally powerful—approach to morning rituals, then this one’s for you.
As a working mom of two, Amna has been able to honor her own needs each morning, while caring for our children, and running a business of her own.
Here’s how she does it.
“Dean Bokhari has left the chat.“
Enter: Amna Mazin-Bokhari
A feminine perspective on morning rituals
The sun rises and sets every single day. Yet the moon looks a little different every time. Sometimes it completely disappears; other times it reveals only parts of itself. And then there are times when it is ready to be seen completely and fully.
I believe human beings are like the moon. Our essence changes every day.
Yet, we live in a world that demands we show up with the same energy and brightness every single day.
This is unsustainable.
There is a lovely harmony in how the moon and sun work together, they know how to exist with each other’s unique being-ness.
They hold a wisdom that we can honor in the way we create and experience our morning rituals.
When I look back at my life, my favorite years have been when my morning ritual was as certain as a sunrise. Waking up before anyone else in the house (well, except for Dean) has an unspoken magic that has easily become the most sacred part of my days.
Without it, I lose connection to my inner light. As a working mom of two, I find myself becoming easily triggered by simple things like spilled juice; feeling dysregulated when things don’t go according to “plan”. And don’t even get me started on the anxiety that hijacks every moment of my being when I am overwhelmed with a full day of appointments and to-do lists.
Ironically enough, the problems that a morning ritual prepares you for (busy schedules, to-do lists) used to also be the reasons why I avoided creating one.
Why add one more thing to my plate when it’s already full?
The answer was clear when I learned about Arianna Huffington’s collapse from 18-hour work days. After which, she became a huge advocate for morning routines.
Morning rituals are non-negotiable. They are as essential as eating and breathing.
When I first began integrating morning rituals into my day, I made the mistake of treating them like the sun. Pressuring them to look exactly the same every single day. I was burdened with disappointment if I missed any part of my ritual’s checklist. I soon realized that this tool was no longer serving me. Instead, I had given it all of my power to control my daily moods and emotions.
Now, however, I am the owner, creator and artist of my days.
The morning ritual of a working mom
My morning ritual provides a dedicated space and time to go within: To connect with my Self, my values, my thoughts, my body and my heart. For you, it may mean something else. The intention of a morning ritual is to tap into your power before you begin your day.
I use this time to clear my mind and body from any unnecessary “stuff” from the previous day that doesn’t serve me. This is usually the many aspects of society, culture, and people that simply do not align with my truth.
Perhaps the most important part of my morning ritual is not what I do, but what I don’t do.
- I don’t look at my phone.
- I don’t do any “work”.
- I don’t converse with anyone.
The no phone thing is a hard and fast rule.
At the start of the day, my mind and heart space are empty vessels that I will not contaminate with other thoughts, requests, or to-do lists. I protect this time fiercely. Every time I have deterred from this, my mind is racing. I cannot stop its’ chatter. My energy is all over the place.
Don’t just take my word for it. Try it and see for yourself!
In his book, You Are the Placebo, Joe Dispenza speaks to the importance of meditating (or however you choose to connect with your inner self) with minimal distractions in between your dream state and awake state. This is the most effective way to bridge the subconscious with the conscious. If done right, it is nothing short of magic.
Morning rituals are often taught and structured in an unforgivingly rigid and linear way. This tends to work for most men. But not women.
Like the moon, women are naturally cyclical beings. Dr. Clarissa Estés said it beautifully when she identified that women’s “natural cycles are forced into unnatural rhythms” in today’s world.
Creating a morning ritual that harmonizes with the nature of our being requires us to be as “rigid” and clear about the details of our ritual (like the sun), while also being flexible enough to honor the uniqueness of each day and current season of our life (like the moon).
This is why I believe we need a “plan b” to make sure we are always setting ourselves up for success.
One of the many superpowers of women is our intuitiveness and adaptability. The more we flex these muscles, the more we get to reclaim our power.
An adaptable morning ritual
In the table below, you’ll find two separate columns: one, titled Ideal Ritual, and another titled Backup Ritual.
My ideal ritual is how my morning looks when everything aligns according to plan. My backup ritual serves as an adaptable way for me to meet my needs when life happens.
| Ideal Ritual | Backup Ritual |
|---|---|
| Wake up at 5 am | Or 9am! (I trust my body’s need for rest). Grace is an important ingredient for this “time” thing. Yesterday, I didn’t get to my morning ritual until 1:30pm! And it was a wonderful day. |
| Enjoy a hot cup of tea | Or not! Sometimes there is simply not enough time. |
| Light a candle | Or just imagine it within. |
| Inspirational Reading | This is where I check in with my heart and soul to see how I can inspire it that particular morning. I may go to a favorite book, poem, or article. Or I may go to nature and just get lost in the colors of the sky that day. |
| Meditate | I check in with my body every morning. There used to be a time when I would meditate for 40 minutes every morning. As I am currently raising a 3-year old and homeschooling an 8-year old, this is NOT that time. These days, five minutes is a luxury and a minimum of three deep breaths is a non-negotiable to keep the habit going. |
| Journaling | I love writing. This is how I speak to my Source (Higher Power, Nature, Whatever you may call it). If you express yourself somatically, you may want to dance or move your body in a certain way. Drawing, painting or playing music may be your thing too. If you are a talker, you may choose to use the voice to text function in digital journals. The intention is to make space (in silence) for what needs to be expressed within you. When I don’t have the time to journal, I just make space to think about the thoughts I want to journal about instead. And that is enough. |
| Gratitude | Opening my heart with gratitude sets me up to receive the rest of the day in an expansive state a.k.a. the growth mindset. I choose at least three new things daily that I am grateful for. This habit opens up our brain to endless possibilities throughout our days. This can be a simple wish in your heart that you send to the universe. Or you may choose to journal about it. |
| Stretch & Workout | I have chronic back issues so stretching is something my body needs to stay connected to my best self. My workout looks different daily, it may be a few sets of pushups and lunges. It may be dance classes. A hike. Some planks. This is something I stay very fluid with because it “stresses” me out otherwise. Also, this isn’t attached to the “morning”. It usually gets integrated with my kids. For instance, I may be doing this while they play outside, etc. |
I envision my ideal morning ritual and then I let go. Surrendering is the most empowering (and difficult) skill I have learned and embodied. This is how I make space for things greater than I could ever imagine.
For instance, the sequence of my morning ritual may look a little different every day. If my mind is racing with thoughts, I know I need to jot them down first. If I am in an incredibly relaxed state then I go into meditation right away and may even skip journaling. Such alignment requires me to check in with my body and trust my intuition. My intuition muscles weren’t as strong when I first started my morning ritual. And they have only been getting stronger and stronger ever since.
As you create or refine your morning ritual, remember that the feminine is often burdened with unhealthy doses of people-pleasing, caregiving and perfectionism. So, no matter what your current morning ritual looks like or whatever it may end up looking like, keep Brene Brown’s words close to your heart: “No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.”
Actionable insights
- If you have a morning ritual already: How can you enhance it so it can be even more aligned with your values and needs? What are some parts that are creating resistance within you? How can you create a backup plan for those parts so that you are setting yourself up for success?
- If morning rituals haven’t been a priority for you: What is something you LOVE to do? Something that literally makes you feel alive? Ask your mind to soften up all the “shoulds” for a morning routine and simply check in with your body and heart. Listen to it. What does it need? What does it want? My morning ritual started with drinking a cup of coffee with me, myself and a sunrise. It was that simple and it was magic. Eventually, I added in two of my favorite activities: writing and reading.
- As you create your own morning ritual, start with what you love. What already fuels your soul? Make it easy. And add on as you feel the inspiration and calling to do so.
by Amna Mazin-Bokhari
More from the Rise + Thrive series
- Dean Bokhari’s Morning Ritual
- A Motivating Morning Ritual for Productivity
- The 4 Components of a Healthy Morning Routine
- How to Wake Up Early and Work Out—An 8 Step Guide
- A Morning Ritual for Working Moms
- 11 Tips to Wake Up Early + Become a Morning Person
Master the Morning
Get step-by-step guidance on how to wake up early and build a personalized morning ritual that suits your lifestyle with Master the Morning, a research-backed training program by Dean Bokhari.
