Bronnie Ware is a nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, where she took care of patients that were nearing the end of their lives—the last 12 weeks of their lives to be precise.
Over the years, as she took care of these people and listened to their stories, she found that many of them had some serious regrets about the way they chose to live their lives.
She also noticed a pattern—when she asked her patients about any regrets they had or anything they might’ve done differently with their lives, common themes began to arise again and again…
So, she began to write them down.
And this eventually led to a best-selling book called The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying.
In this episode + article, we discuss each of the 5 regrets and how they can help us lead more meaningful lives…
The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
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1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
Bronnie Ware, from The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
Bronnie Ware, from The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
Bronnie Ware, from The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
Bronnie Ware, from The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
Bronnie Ware, from The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
You don’t have to live with regret
- I wish I had lived a life true to myself.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Of all these regrets, the one that I reflect on most often is number one:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
Now, I don’t know about you, but for me?—that’s the last thing I want to be saying to myself when it gets down to the wire.
When I look back on my life, I want to look back and be grateful for having honored my dreams.
I don’t want to look back on a long list of unfulfilled dreams, thinking about how I should’ve, would’ve, or could’ve — but never did.
Most people don’t even honor half their dreams, let alone all of them, and end up going to their death-bed knowing that it was their own decisions (or indecisions) that determined a destiny bursting at the seams with unfulfilled dreams.
YOU are the author of your destiny, so write the story you want to live, regardless of how fictional it may or may not sound to someone else.
Live a life that’s true to you.
Dream big, don’t settle for less than you’re capable of, and don’t get to the end of your life only to realize you never truly lived it.
